Thursday, May 04, 2006

Bush: National Anthem Cannot Be Sung With A Brooklyn Accent

(The Daily) -- Brooklyn, NY, May 4th, 2006 -- President Bush, making a speech before a mob of crazed cheering supporters in The Old Brooklyn Dodger Stadium, said that the national anthem should not be sung with a Brooklyn accent.

Bush told the adoring crowd that he's introducing a bill and putting it "on the fast track" to ensure that it becomes the law of the land, ASAP.

Avid Bush supporter Joey Dumheadino agreed with the accent-banning proposal saying "Dis guy tells it like it is!" while adjusting his crotch through the right arm opening of his leather jacket. "Personally, dough, I dont 'tink 'dat it should be sung in a southern accent, 'cause all 'dose cracker southerners sound like jive-talkin' mulanjohnnies."

Visting Georgia resident Billy Jo Johnson also dutifully gulped down the Kool-Aid but had a slightly different take on the accent-banning legislation. "Hey, ya'll... Georgie-boy is right as rain, but those yankees in Brooklyn got it wrong. The anthem shunt' be sung by no fancy silver-tongued lawyer folk, neither."

Bush said that with the help of the Republican majority, he plans to have the bill passed and ready for his signing statement amendments "hopefully just after the November Congressional elections".

The president/emperor refused to comment about what changes he might make to the law after Congress rams it through, implying only that any modifications would probably be a National Security concern -- winking and smirking an unintelligible Texas drawl towards Karl Rove.

Laura Bush, who (yesterday on CNN) disagreed with her husband's stand on the Spanish language anthem issue, was being briefed for counter-balance spin control and could not be reached for immediate off-the-cuff comment. A well-crafted interview is scheduled to air sometime after the first polls roll in.

A spokesperson for the First Lady assured this reporter that the usual damage control procedures were rapidly being deployed, though admitted that they were employing new "operators".

On condition of super duper anonymity, a close Bush aide said that "all of the usual handlers have either resigned, are totally exhausted, and/or are under indictment for one thing or another..." and are therefore otherwise busy talking with fancy silver-tongued lawyer folk and/or consulting with various shady characters sporting wing-tipped shoes and baseball bats.


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